I both love and fear weddings. I think that anyone who’s known me for more than a couple of years should know exactly why that is. Why I have these mixed feelings on the matter. On the one hand, I am now deeply in the rut of a thirty-year-old serial monogamist. I’m that guy you meet at a show or a bar or a friend’s house who’s got all those great stories of bad dates and crazy ex-girl-friends and near-misses and so on that make for great cocktail party stories. But if you stop to think about it, it’s sort of sad. When’s he gonna settle down, you ask yourself. Hell, I’ve asked myself the same thing. Most of my friends have all gone and gotten themselves hitched and most of the hitched are already making babies. So I can’t help but wonder when it’s going to happen to me. So people getting married bothers me in the worst, most selfish way you can imagine. It’s difficult confession to make, as I’m sure you can imagine.
On the other hand, I love love. Oh, how I love love. What’s more, my love affair with love demands Romantic style — as such: O! How I love Love! There is something ultimately amazing and wonderful about love. The thought of two separate persons coming together, making a conscious decision to meet somewhere between themselves, to let go of those notions of “me” and “mine” and “you” and “yours,” and commit fully to the idea of union, of letting go separation and living an authentic life in partnership — there’s something divine in that. I’ll just say it, my cynical punk rock self will have to just deal with it. There is something damn near holy about love.
I think of my friends Julianna and Mark up in Portland. Of Michael and Ali in the City. My mom and step-dad. My brother and his wife. My friends Scott and Lauren here in Oakland who have know each other since junior high school and keep on doing it each and every day so many years later.
I think of the thousands of committed couples who got married in San Francisco when Gavin Newsom gave single-sex marriage the green light. How can you not love Love?
And I bring all this up because it’s a little known fact that in addition to working on my Ph.D, in addition to teaching myself HTML and running this web-site, in addition to walking my dog everyday and sending kids to camp and doing all the other things I do, I am also an ordained minister with the Universal Life Church, have performed four weddings, and am doing my fifth next weekend. Which means I get to let go that cynical part of me that’s bitter and jealous about love and dive with an open and excited heart into that part of me that loves Love and celebrate the love between two more amazing people.
And in the end, that there are so many people in the world who have found love, partnership, only serves to give me hope. There’s still time. And I still am a very young man.
Here’s to Lola and Paul!