y’all know how much i love cycles

So I’m feeling terribly introspective right now.

It’s about 4:30 on a Tuesday afternoon, the day after Memorial Day. There’s all sorts of things happening in the world — Iraq being the least of it. And I could ramble on about those things. But I don’t feel like it.

I feel like talking about all the things on my never-ending over-full plate. I was sitting here in the office just now thinking about all those things on my plate, and I had the feeling that everything was about to begin. Camp season is almost upon us. And I thought to myself, what was I doing a year ago at this time?

And I remembered, this is the age of the Internet! Everything I’ve done for the last three or fours years is on-line! And like getting sucked into a Wikipedia time-warp, I got sucked into reading my blog from last year. And I found this entry from the end of last summer.

How slowly I learn. I ought to read this stuff more often. On the one hand, it’s true. I’m not doing exactly what I was doing last summer. Last summer was my last summer as a Camp Coordinator. I don’t have to talk to parents anymore. On the other hand, my initial excitement and joy in playing with computers all day has quickly faded as I realized that I don’t really like playing with computers all day as much as I like being a web designer, which is a fundamentally different thing.

Which lead me to this entry, how I was feeling after camp ended. That sense of clarity. I need to hold on to those feelings of certainty. I need to hold on to those feelings of equanimity, letting petty things go as often as I can because, at the end of the day, they’re just petty things.

Like laundry detergent.

So I know that camp, that this summer, will kick my ass as it always does. But things are different now. This really ought to be my last summer in the office. If for no other reason than because I know, in my heart, that I really want to teach. As an academic? As a minister? What difference does it make? The two things that I enjoy most in this world (that is, the two things I enjoy most that will pay the rent) are teaching (Buddhism) and web design. To do those things and nothing more, thus allowing me to pay the rent and spend my spare time with the woman I love, with my dog, my friends, my family — that’s the goal.

Now all I gotta do is make it happen.

Here I go.

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