whatever

Do you ever feel unwanted? But unjustly unwanted? And all at once like you don’t actually care if the people you suspect that don’t want you want you or not?

That’s sort of how I’m feeling right now. Over the weekend, the nephew of our company’s CEO came in and for some reason did things that are actually squarely under my job description. I don’t particularly mind that someone is doing my job for me (hey, less work for me, right?) but it bothers me regardless. I think it’s that issue of respect — or lack thereof — that I’ve been having as of late.

What bothers me is that the CEO of our company, my boss now that my actual supervisor has left, is more or less avoiding me. It’s like he’s scared of me. Or mad at me. And has given up entirely. Like he’s waiting for me to quit or to completely castrate me so that I can’t do my job. And if I’m not doing my job then I guess they’ll just have to fire me.

It’s an impossible situation. And I have no idea how to resolve it. I’m going to camp on Friday. But I’m less and less committed to the idea that this company is all it’s cracked up to be. But I can’t very well just quit. I need to pay the rent. And working here depresses the hell out of me.

Whatever. I guess if I was supposed to like my job they’d call it happy-time fun-hour. But instead they call it work.

What I really need to do are the two following things: start my own design business and get a teaching job. That’s what I really need to do.

But it helps to vent this steam now and again. Thanks.

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