I’m going to write something pretty reflective right now. It’s Sunday morning, it’s gorgeous out, Dana and I have an appointment with the florist for the wedding, and my life feels unmistakably like it’s about to transition, in a lot and very big ways.
And it’s not just the wedding, though that’s obviously part of it. The wedding is a big deal to be sure, and I know that in thirty-five days I’ll wake up on the other side of one transition. There’s so much Stuff To Do for the wedding over the next month that sometimes I get lost in it. I get lost in the details but also the expected roles. People keep asking how the planning’s going and I always feel like there’s some “right answer” to that question, some way grooms are supposed to respond. But the fact of matter is that I’m excited. I’m thrilled, and the planning and is actually pretty easy. Big and complicated and at times demanding, but pretty straightforward. Then again, Dana and I are planners. And a wedding is really just a combination of two things I love: a ceremony (i.e., ritual), and a party. A ceremony and a party with everyone I know and care about and celebrating this woman I love. So of course I’m thrilled. Who wouldn’t be?
But apart from that, 2007 is shaping up to be the year of transitions. I quit my job and go this new one. And I’m in the midst of writing a dissertation that will be done in the next six months or so. And then I graduate. I get to officially stick those three letters, p – h – d, after my name. Which is a pretty Big Deal. And since I’m here in the middle of it, it’s hard to see what’s on the other side. Is this gig at the Institute going to turn into something more permanent? Full-time? Long-term? Will I start pimping myself out to other schools and land that elusive tenure-track job? How the hell am I going to pay off those students loans? These are all the unknowns, but despite their “unknown-ness,” I’m not feeling worried or scared about them (maybe a little anxious). I know that I’ll make it all work. I know that I’ll get a job I love or turn this job that I already love into a more sustainable one.
And I get to do that with my wife.
So it’s unknown. But there’s some certainty in there that makes it calm. And at once exciting. Does any of this make sense?
I guess, at the end of it all, since I’ve been through the wringer one too many times, what I have to deal with and look forward to now, even the seemingly insurmountable things like student loan debt, seems manageable. I’ve been in bad places and gotten out. It’s doable.
And then there’s other things that I have yet to know how they’ll turn out. My little side project, the Buddhoblogosphere is attracting attention. I’ve been getting responses from people far and wide who are patiently waiting for this thing to materialize. Which is wonderful and weird to me since I haven’t done any outreach or marketing or anything to alert the masses that I’m working on anything in the first place. What will happen when I do? What will happen when I take the thing live later this summer? It’s anyone’s guess, but, again, I’ve excited about the possibilities.
Which is what it’s really all about. The possibilities. It’s what I’ve always been in to. That feeling that anything can happen and being open to letting it.