First and foremost, I’ve been feeling a little off for the past couple of days, and as I wrote “i like me” up there, I just gave myself the best little giggle. So this is going to be a good entry. It’s going to be a long and meandering entry consider yourself warned but good nonetheless as soon as I get to where I’m going. As Neil deGrasse Tyson says, when we’re all here, we’re not all there. But I digress.
Back to that feeling of off-ness. I don’t know what it is. It’s similar, I think, to bouts of actual depression I’ve had in the past, but not so serious that I can’t come up with good blog titles like “i like me.” Besides that, what the hell? I’m a happily newly married, employed, straight white guy in the richest country in the world, and I have health care. And it’s freakin’ beautiful out. What’ve I got to be bummed out about?
(I wonder, parenthetically, if my readers can see the irony and sarcasm in my familiar refrain of being a straight white guy. It’s not meant to be self-serving or arrogant or anything like that. It’s meant to remind myself, and other people out there, of the privilege my status as “white,” (or an American, or a man, or straight, or etc.) gives me in this world. That whatever problems I have, (a) they’re far less serious than the problems of people in, say, Darfur, and (b) because of where I live and the color of my skin, getting out of these problems is actually pretty easy. So it’s both a reminder to myself and others to get over it, and, more importantly, sad social commentary. Great. Having made sad social commentary, my giddy “i like me” refrain is loosing its power over me.)
In other news, I really like my blog. Liking my blog was the reason I came up with said witty title today. I know it’s awfully self-centered and arrogant of me to say things like “i like me,” but I do. At least right now. I was just looking at some of the stuff I’ve written here and looking at the over-all layout of this place, and I like it, if I do say so myself. Which I do. So I thought I’d write a little meta-entry about the blog.
But I don’t really want to. I actually just wanted to get some of the superfluous crap out of my head so I can get down to business. So I can write or code or meet the incoming crop of new IBS students… er, um, student. That’s right. It’s the first week of school. And while I was walking down to Peet’s to get some coffee just now, I was reflecting on this nearly eight-year journey I’ve been on to get the Ph.D. which is rapidly coming to a close. Of course, now that I’ve started reflecting on that here, I’m suddenly no longer in the mood to say anything on the subject because all I can think of is how am I going to work “i like me” into this paragraph? Don’t want mess up that trend I’ve got goin’ on after all. A guy’s gotta have his standards.
At any rate, I swear this is all going somewhere. I am all here, not there. And all those reflections and ruminations and off-ness I’ve been experiencing lately are really all solved and explained by one thing: the buddha is my dj. What the hell does that mean? I don’t know what it meant when I came up with and I don’t know if it’ll mean this tomorrow, but today, here’s what it means: it means that my life is nothing more than a long series of seemingly disconnected events that somehow all come together to direct me and lead me to where I am, here, not there. I was thinking about how I almost took a job as a Starbucks maintenance person when I was in college because I didn’t have any idea what I wanted to do with my life. (Plastics, it’s about plastics.) But the girl I was dating at the time convinced me that that was a horribly Bad Idea. Which is ironic because this girl and I had a horribly Bad Relationship but it didn’t occur to me till this morning that without her one-off admonition of my career plans, I wouldn’t have quit Starbucks, gone to Europe after graduation, come back and gotten a job in the book-packing factory where I decided what I really wanted to do was go to grad school, quit that job, gone back to Starbucks, met my good friend Scott and started dating Emily (another horribly Bad Relationship), gone to grad school, moved to the East Bay, and eventually met my beautiful wife (who looked hot this morning I’ll have you know), and come up with the title of today’s blog entry, “i like me.”
So you see, it’s all about the web of interconnections, connecting things which were originally separate, or at least had the semblance of separateness even though, in Reality, they’re all of the same stuff. Like two turntables. Like a walk to Peet’s, my hot wife, and the witty refrain “i like me.”
Whew. I think I just got over myself. Now back to business!